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Love and Koolaid Stains

Email me I'd love to hear from you! talulazephyr@yahoo.com Copyright 2005-2006

Location: Illinois, United States

Sunday, January 29, 2006

You and Me

I walk with you
through dirty rain
I talk with you
through the pain
I touch your skin
and wipe your eyes
There is no more
in the filthy lies
We have no power
if not to be
The simplicity of
you and me.


You want to inspire me
you think you know
The yearning inside
beginning to grow

I create to be normal
sane and secure
To get it all out
is my only cure

Don't be offended
Its absurd, demented
to think I can affect
change of any part

Boundless love
I feel in you
The window is open
I've flown through

Ok, so I Suck...

I know, I'm a terrible blogger. I am so trying to get into the rhythm of school and everything else. I will be back in full force soon I promise.

here's the dish... I sold my house the closing is on Feb. 24, I found an apartment that I absolutely love and I am so exhausted I can't think straight.

My apartment is the coolest crap ever!! Its a three bedroom apartment with this GREAT attic space. Seriously its like hippie heaven up there. Literally, as you walk up the stairs you can hear a guitar, smoke fills the air and the word HEAVEN is written on the brick supporting post. The floor is covered in various carpets, crap from previous tenants is shoved off into the corners of the huge room, the rafters are old and have signs hanging from them, and the windows are stained glass. This I dub my studio. I will write, draw, and paint. I have screamed in excitement several times since signing the lease. I can walk to my school and I get to keep The-cat-who-would-be-dog and Squirreldog.


Oh man it took me a bit but here they are....

Four Jobs I’ve Had:

Service Cashier for a car dealership
Corn Detassler
Home Service Aide for Shut Ins
Quality Lab Technician

Four Movies I could watch over and over and have:

The Sweetest Thing - Romantic Comedy with my girl Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate. Makes me laugh everytime I see the "ring" scene, hehe.

LOTR - DUH! the epic adventures of our time.

Office Space - Because cubicles are funny.

Predator - Cause its my favorite movie of all time.

Places I’ve Lived:

Barltett, IL

Hanover Park, IL

Edwardsville, IL

Aurora, IL

Four TV Shows I love to watch:

Medium - Its a good mystery type show with really bad writing and I love it.

Law and Orders - Yes, all of them.

That 70's Show - Cause they get "high" on tv, hehe.

Six Feet Under - The writing has always impressed me, but recently I've been upset where the characters are going. I don't think it will run much longer.

Four Places I’ve been on Vacation:

Norfolk, VA

Ft. Lauderdale, FL

Corpus Christe. TX

Kissemee, FL

Four Websites I visit Daily.

pogo.com - cause its got all the games I love to pay, and yes I pay for my membership, Ima geek.

I try to visit as much as my blog family as possible!!

torrentspy.com - my favorite site to get music.

And my university's website.

Four Favorite Foods:


Smirnoff Watermelon Twisteds - thats food right?


Crab Legs right out the ocean :)

Four Places I’d rather be:

This one is hard for me because I truly am a believer in the here and now. But...

Austrailia - cause I've always wanted to go there.

Mexico - I want to visit the ruins.

Egypt - Same reason...

Japan - Because I want to learn everything I can about it. :)

So I'm not passing it on cause I'm so late in getting it done that everyone else has already been tagged.:)

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Welcome My Sister

There is a new girl in the family. Everyone hop on over and show her the blog-luv. Her name is Ktreva, she rocks :). Love ya Sis, your doing a great job!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

One like no other

Ahh the days that you can't live without. The kind that kick you around just a little to make sure you still have the good fight in you. That was today. Exhausting, wonderful and just plain fun; today was full of everything.

The day started early... Doc T came over last night. We stayed up talking till the weeee hours. Its so easy to lose track of time with him. This left me with about 3 hours of sleep. Not too bad, I thought. The alarm rings for me to wake up. I punch it a few times before I realize the critters are up and stirring. In fact they had been up for at least an hour before I rolled out of bed. Toys all over the living room and a roaring drum solo came out of my office. (Turtle plays the drums.) So I make sure everyone's clothes are on the right way and grab my soaking wet phone to head out the door. Wait a minute, soaking wet phone? Crap, my phone was suffocated by a tea soaked sock, I know that's hard to imagine but trust me it was a sock that fell into a cup of tea, left dangle out the top of the glass only to filter the tea onto the phone directly underneath it. My phone is fried like a brain on some good stuff man. I mean its really fudged. None of the buttons work except for the 4, which apparently is my sister's speed dial button. Sorry C, I didn't really call your house 40 times today and hang up.

Ok kids in the car... on the way to school. Music is on and everyone is happy. Wait everyone but Turtle. Then Froggy tells me its Turtle's half-bday and I forgot. CRAP!! Turtle never got to celebrate his half bday before and I promised him at the beginning of the school year he could. He always missed out on bringing treats to school. I calmed everyone down and promised Turtle I would return to school with treats for his class. And since he forgot his backpack as well, it was a good thing I had to drive all the way back in town for the cupcakes.

Ok done with kid's school for now... off to the phone store. PLEASE FIX THIS THING, HONEST I DON"T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! That story worked until he opened it up. Crap on a stick, I had the "warranty" but apparently is doesn't cover tea soaked socks. And since I'm in a contract... this is now my only means of communication with the outside world. Tomorrow I will have my old crapity-crap-crap phone hooked back up.

Ok screw the phone guy... onto cupcakes. I get the cupcakes and backpack. Run back up to school. See Froggy's aide in the hall. Talk to her for a long time. It was really great to see her.

Alright now my REAL day can start. Off to my school. Butterfly and me are painting the town today. We got my parking pass, books and I treated myself to an awesome backpack. YAH SCHOOL! Got Butterfly her free cookie from the cafe and off to the dreaded wall-crap for more supplies. Spent as little time and money at the hell of discount stores as possible. Then went home for our nap. YAH NAP! (Stealin my cheering from Doc T, he thinks its therapeutic, lmao. I just think its crazy I dig it.) Now I had the alarm set for the right time, but for some reason I hate time. I wake up 20 minutes late. OH CRAP, MY BOYS!! My poor little orphaned boys are waiting at school. The sad little faces that greet me at that door. It is now my mission to cheer them up and show them I care.

BIG OLE HORSE CRAP!!!! I forgot Froggy had a Doctor appt. at 6 an hour and a half drive away. Shoot and my mom was going to come watch the other two so I could take him. Longer story short, I had no phone to remind my mom so I took all the kids to Froggy's appt. Traffic was terrible. But the kids had a great time in the car and so did I. We talked, ate and sang the whole way there. It was really nice. And after the great appt., I took us all for milkshakes. (Great tip for car rides, milkshakes take a long time to finish and they keep little mouths busy :)

So moral of the day... lemons taste so much better as lemonade :)... Happy Week All!!

Bend Me Break Me...

Wow its been a bit. So lets play some Ketchup...

I have a new squeeze his name is Doc T. He is funny, cute, charming and best of all he spoils the crap out of me, hehe. He is returning to school for his degree as well. It seems we make a good match. We are both insanely busy newly divorced parents. Neither one of us have much time to devote to a full time relationship. I will keep you posted ;). I am very happy.

Yesterday I got my first bid on my house. It was a low ball and it went no where but it was good to get me started. The activity on the house is starting to pick up now that the holidays are finally over and people are back in a routine.

Tomorrow I begin classes!! I get the luxury of returning to school. I am so excited. My end goal is to achieve a PhD in History (Ancient Japan). For now I am returning for my teaching certificate to teach secondary ed. Soon I will be able to mold the minds of the nations youth, scary ain't it.

Monday, January 09, 2006


Make me blush
You make me flush
Tickle and touch
I want so much

You help me love
You show me care
I’m so much better
Because you are there

In my breath
Your ora surrounds
My deepest thoughts
Are with you now

I want for you joy
Smiles and laughter
I want to show you
The world I’m after

Quiet soft kisses
Not to be rushed
Gentle whispers
You make me flush

Fritz Fest

For those of you who couldn't make it, Fritz Fest was awesome. There was food, music, football, spirits and fun. I only wish it could have lasted longer. It was such a pleasure meeting so many of the people I have been reading about for the past four months.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Happy Friday :)

Woohoo its the weekend!! I was able to get a lot accomplished this week and the kids are doing so wonderfully.

Butterfly brought her Barbie Rock Star Guitar thingy to show-n-share today. She had been waiting for this day all week. Nothing like seeing a 4 yr old singing "What a Girl Wants" into a headset as she jams her electric guitar. Man is she cute. Her teachers are expecting quite a show. I might slip up there later to take some pics.

Turtle is reading about a book a day. It blows my mind. He is 7 and he reads almost as fast as I do. Ok, thats not saying much but he is amazing. He is reading Captain Underpants currently and he loves the Series of Unfortunate Events books.

Froggy is happy to be back in school. He made his aide a necklace over the break and couldn't wait to give it to her. Sandy was out because of knee surgery but she made a special stop into school to see Froggy. That made his week.

Froggy and Turtle have been on me too... I forgot to pay for the lunches so they have had to eat peanut butter sammiches. I paid today so they could have their Friday pizza.

This weekend D will have them. I miss them already. Its so funny, it was hard when they first came back from TN, but now I miss them everyday. I can't wait until I'm back in school so they can see me being productive again. I worry about setting a positive example for them.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Dating??!! Talula's dating rules Vol. 1

Ok, I knew marriage was difficult but I forgot how hard it was to date. It may be me, I'm thinking. I would really like to find someone to hang out with right now. I don't have any free time to devote to a full time relationship. I mean, I just got rid of a marriage that consumed every inch of me. The last thing I want is to get into a similar situation. So why do I crave the companionship? I love my free alone time, the introspective me that I've become and the fact that I can finally just do things the way I need them to be done. I hate the jealousy and pettiness of relationships.

Bottom line... I have been dating. I've been meeting some awesome people. Men who seem to want similar things. However, when it comes down to it... it still seems like I'm searching. What does it mean to be in a dating relationship? How is it supposed to work? Can you be "boyfriend/girlfriend" without interfering in the other aspects of each other's lives? Do we need labels?

Here are some rules I created to guide me in my search for companionship:

5. Labels... I don't suggest it. For me, it seems like expectations come with labels. Communication is better. If you know what your relationship is and where its going then there will be no misunderstanding.

4. Live... Do not change your life to fit anyone else's. Compromise in any relationship is huge, however, when you begin dating it should play a very small part. Your lifestyle and family should never become any part of the discussion until you have been in a relationship with a person for a LONG time.

3. Kids and Dating... Close to my heart and one of the hardest rules for me. I am afraid of having anyone around my kids. I just don't want them to be involved in any of it. The person I am looking for should be looking for me not my kids. I am not sure how this rule finishes because I haven't crossed that bridge. I've seen what happens to children when either one of their parents begin dating and bringing lots of different people in and out of the kids lives. That will not happen to my kids. I refuse. My rule is... only people I have known for about a year may meet my kids. And again that's only a meeting, no alone time at all whatsoever. I am so far out of this it hurts to even think of. I just want them protected. I want them to feel safe and loved always. I lost one relationship already because of this rule, but I am not willing to budge.

2. Understanding... Find someone that understands me. Everyone has perks and faults. Its important to me to take note of both. I need to understand the strengths as well as the weaknesses of the men I chose to date. This is important on so many different levels. It guards my heart... if I know what the weaknesses are I will only expect what they are able to give. This prevents the "there must be something wrong with me" feeling that comes with dating. I know me, I understand me and I must be willing to do the same for the other person.

1. Dating or Relationship?... Here is my blurry line. When do you change from just dating into a relationship? Here is what I know so far (very little)... sex changes things. Good or bad it does. A few weeks ago I created a rule for myself that I was going to be celibate for a good long time. I don't think this is a realistic option for me. I assume its because I am a 30 year old Talula. I don't find guilt in it at all; however, its important to know that the person I chose to be with in a sexual relationship is not dating anyone else. That is my line. Call it dating or relationship, I don't know. An intimate relationship is one that can be shared with only one other person. Having been a bit of a "playa" back in the day, I've been down that road and its not something I care to repeat (lesson learned).

Don't Know How to Post

So I've hit a blockage. I have too much to write about I think. In addition, I don't know how to put it on paper. I'm a talker plain and simple. I love to talk. But see I've realized that I cannot post like I speak. You can take back spoken words so much easier than their written cousins. I have this big right foot that fits so nicely in my mouth, I wouldn't want it to be without work. I mean one of us has to have a job, really.

So I turn to writing again. I will be turning off comments on some of my newer posts. Its not that I don't value all of your thoughts. Its just that I've had some problems with negative comment posting and I want to keep my site positive and full of energy unless I choose it to be any different. Thanks for understanding and I promise it won't be a dull read, lol.

March of the Wee Ones

They're back!!! I couldn't be happier. It was such a wonderful break but its so nice to have them home safe. My hugs and kisses are back, hehe.

I washed the smoke smell off them last night, yuck. And we snuggled. They are home from school today. Although, Mommy thought there was school and drove through town before I realized the neighborhood schools were all closed. Everytime I do that I think to myself, PUT UP THAT DARN CALENDER THEY SEND HOME SILLY AS$!!. Just one of my many many querks hehe.

We will have a restful day the four of us. Reading, coloring and perhaps a trip to the grocery store. Its really great they have one more day of relaxation with me before they have to go back.