Dating??!! Talula's dating rules Vol. 1

Ok, I knew marriage was difficult but I forgot how hard it was to date. It may be me, I'm thinking. I would really like to find someone to hang out with right now. I don't have any free time to devote to a full time relationship. I mean, I just got rid of a marriage that consumed every inch of me. The last thing I want is to get into a similar situation. So why do I crave the companionship? I love my free alone time, the introspective me that I've become and the fact that I can finally just do things the way I need them to be done. I hate the jealousy and pettiness of relationships.

Bottom line... I have been dating. I've been meeting some awesome people. Men who seem to want similar things. However, when it comes down to it... it still seems like I'm searching. What does it mean to be in a dating relationship? How is it supposed to work? Can you be "boyfriend/girlfriend" without interfering in the other aspects of each other's lives? Do we need labels?

Here are some rules I created to guide me in my search for companionship:

5. Labels... I don't suggest it. For me, it seems like expectations come with labels. Communication is better. If you know what your relationship is and where its going then there will be no misunderstanding.

4. Live... Do not change your life to fit anyone else's. Compromise in any relationship is huge, however, when you begin dating it should play a very small part. Your lifestyle and family should never become any part of the discussion until you have been in a relationship with a person for a LONG time.

3. Kids and Dating... Close to my heart and one of the hardest rules for me. I am afraid of having anyone around my kids. I just don't want them to be involved in any of it. The person I am looking for should be looking for me not my kids. I am not sure how this rule finishes because I haven't crossed that bridge. I've seen what happens to children when either one of their parents begin dating and bringing lots of different people in and out of the kids lives. That will not happen to my kids. I refuse. My rule is... only people I have known for about a year may meet my kids. And again that's only a meeting, no alone time at all whatsoever. I am so far out of this it hurts to even think of. I just want them protected. I want them to feel safe and loved always. I lost one relationship already because of this rule, but I am not willing to budge.

2. Understanding... Find someone that understands me. Everyone has perks and faults. Its important to me to take note of both. I need to understand the strengths as well as the weaknesses of the men I chose to date. This is important on so many different levels. It guards my heart... if I know what the weaknesses are I will only expect what they are able to give. This prevents the "there must be something wrong with me" feeling that comes with dating. I know me, I understand me and I must be willing to do the same for the other person.

1. Dating or Relationship?... Here is my blurry line. When do you change from just dating into a relationship? Here is what I know so far (very little)... sex changes things. Good or bad it does. A few weeks ago I created a rule for myself that I was going to be celibate for a good long time. I don't think this is a realistic option for me. I assume its because I am a 30 year old Talula. I don't find guilt in it at all; however, its important to know that the person I chose to be with in a sexual relationship is not dating anyone else. That is my line. Call it dating or relationship, I don't know. An intimate relationship is one that can be shared with only one other person. Having been a bit of a "playa" back in the day, I've been down that road and its not something I care to repeat (lesson learned).