Love and Koolaid Stains

You Give to Me

2006-11-09T10:23:00.000-06:00

I've waited so long
to feel like this
So much more
Than just one kiss

Heart outstretched
Senses engaged
The fire within
Starting to Rage

I convince myself
I'll be happy
No matter what
The event

That the time
spent with you
Is all
That was meant

To get through
This time
Is harder than it seemed
I ask myself
What can be?

I want to be happy
Safe and secure
I want to be loved
When it seems
there is none

I want to sit with the hand
of my true love so dear
As we rock on the porch
in our retirement years

I want to plan
Live, Love
and Strive
With someone so kind,
Wonderful
And caring
By my side

I know what it means now
I can see it so clear
To be here with you
Was what I had feared

You've taken it away
This fear down inside
I know I can be loved
And want it for my life

So even if
It cannot be you
The memories will
keep shining through

Because you have shown me
What love's all about
The truth of my heart
That was dying to get out

You've set me free
From my guilt and
My shame
You've opened me completely
I'll never be the same

Peaceful Talula

2006-08-02T08:08:00.000-05:00

As summer winds down and I reflect on this relaxing place I've been in, I feel really great. I was really dreading the time my kids were going to be gone. But now that im over three weeks in and I am really enjoying myself. I can't wait for them to get back and I miss them terribly, but I've been able to get a lot of things done. I have a whole bunch more to do but I'm not worried about getting it done.

In other news, my blog is a month away from its year anniversary. Its amazing to me how much my life has changed in the past year. I'm definitely at the point now where I want things to level off and stay the same for a little while. Change is great when needed but consistency is key to a happy Talula. I had a customer at the restaurant I'm waitressing at ask me if I bought a new house when I sold my old one last night. (Damn this town is too small.) I said no and she looked at me very puzzled. So I tried to get out as quick as I could by letting her know that it was a divorce. She looked at me with a look of "ooh you poor thing" and said, "Don't worry you'll have another one someday." I'm thinking to myself, no kidding lady but thanks that comment helped me get through the day so much better. So I said I know I will and I'm very happy now. I'm so horrible when strangers ask me personal questions, I don't want to be rude but at the same time I don't want to tell them things either. At my old job it was easier. We were told to lie to our customers about who we were if we had to sell the crap they were selling. I didn't at first but as I needed more money I began stretching the truth more and more. That's one of the reasons I had to leave. I hated who I was becoming. But now I can't even pretend not to tell my costumers anything but the truth because they are all repeat customers and its a very small town. So this is taking a little adjusting on my part. I just hate telling people I'm divorced because I think they automatically assume im a bitter lady.

Working Puter!!!!

2006-07-25T08:42:00.000-05:00

Thank you thank you puter for working finally!!

Everything is really great with me everyone, school is going well, I am enjoying my time without my babies although I am missing them terribly, my good friends are making sure I am never too lonely though ;). At this point they have been gone a little over 2 weeks and I am dying to just hug them! I still have another 4 weeks, I am not sure if I can make it. My friends are bound to get sick of me eventually. Its weird for me because I have NEVER lived competely by myself before. So having this time is a little eye opening for me. Overall I think it will be a treasured experience.

I have a bit of a block in my poetry. I have a certain reoccuring theme running through my head right now and I am not sure how to get it all down. So I am stirring it up a bit, putting it in a blender and it should be puree by the end of this week.

Cloud

2006-06-19T15:47:00.000-05:00

Walking through the fog
of Our dimly lit sky
I see You stare at Me
longing to be free
intertwined lovers
wrestle for the cause
broken heart strings in the air
in front of Us She stares
Her eyes illuminate the world around
of what We were scared
We now are bound
She walks slightly sinking into the mist
beckoning to Us, We cannot resist
following, We tread in Her path
there is nothing before Us
and no turning back
We hold each other tightly
I feel You breathe
walking for stars
sunk in to Our knees
She stops before Us and turns
Her eyes are of fire
Her lips are oceans
hair of flowers
skin of emotion
We stand before Her
taking Her in
She washes over Us
removing our sin
rising, we are now on our feet
Her hands stretch before us
we fall through trees, rock and earth
to the place where we meet

Last Day...

2006-06-07T07:44:00.000-05:00

Its the last day of school today for my babies. I am so excited for their summer. Froggy has a game tonight and my work schedule has changed. Everything is becoming a little clearer these days. I've been afraid to write too much about it for fear it may change. Me and my silly superstitions. We are doing well now, poor but happy and very well.

Air

2006-06-04T21:11:00.000-05:00

taste the air tonight
bittersweet dreams
embracing you
clouds beneath my feet
the long time memories
faded to dust
glistening moments
of fiery lust
standing before me
i take your hand
i remember at once
this strong passioned man

hard to see you
harder to know
the love inside me
can never show
keep it hidden
lock the key
far away
for none to see

ice crystals form
around the black room
sinking inside
impending doom
i wrestle before you
my mouth quakes
so much to say
can't make a mistake

its up to me know
to hold strong and fast
i know the secret
to making it last
the air thicker now
hard to move
but i know somehow
what to do

stand before you
slivered and shaved
branches stripped
leaves fallen away
wait for your glance
that tells me to speak
tender, mild, meek
speak lightly
and travel well
my words of emotion
lost in the well
that same dark room
i locked with a key
scraped my dirty salty knees
bleeding for me
i let you in
the truth is now free
lost in my sin

Dance with me

2006-06-02T22:08:00.000-05:00

grab me from the waist
aching for your taste
close my eyes
moving in
feeling you
on my skin
big blue eyes
grabbing my soul
chewing it
swallowing whole

twist me
swing around
flying off the ground
pull me closer
embrace my lips
engulf my tongue
clench my hips

Chili Peppers Baby

2006-06-02T22:02:00.000-05:00

Man I am completely enthralled with the new Chili Peppers album. If you are a fan or ever were you have to get it. Its such a must! Its two disks so its double the pleasure and its worth the money and then some. TO me the Chilis have been getting better and better with every album. I compare their evolution to the Stones. From funk to blues, rap to rock there is no stopping this ultimate American experience. Check it out I promise you wont be disappointed.

Birthday Weekend OMFG

2006-05-31T14:54:00.000-05:00

Wow...what a freakin weekend...

I turned 31 on Saturday and man did I celebrate. Last year was a bad birthday so I had much to make up for and I did. Friday I went to see my friend's band play at my local hang. It was awesome! I took my crazy self and crazier gf... we rocked our socks off and then some, hehe. When I finally got home at 10 in the morning I was still feelin it.

I took my babies to see Over the Hedge
They loved it! It was a great satirical comedy for us liberals too, hehe.

Then I went out again. My best friend McHenry dude joined me for a celebration at the local pub. It was tame but wonderful all the same. A night of talk and booze, my fav.

Then it was Sunday... I went out again. I haven't been out three nights in a row in over 5 years at least. This time I went out to eat in Schaumburg, dancing at Alumni Club and closed down the Cadillac Ranch. My legs still feel awesome.

Monday my family had a cookout for me. We played with water balloons and ate burgers. Then a friend of mine stopped by.

I must tell you this was the best birthday I can remember. I got to spend time with friends, family, play with my babies and drink till i was stupid. I am so glad this only happens once a year, I need a nap. Thank you everyone that came out! I really enjoyed myself.

Go Mama!!

2006-05-31T14:53:00.000-05:00

I just read that my Mama got her job!!! Congrats!!

I am soo happy for you! Kissies and hugs XXXoooXXXX

Wisdom Tree

2006-05-24T15:08:00.000-05:00

Deep are you through the grass
allowing travelers to pass
tripping but a few on their path
shading those you chose
colorful for those you love
steady for those that move
strong for the weary
shelter for the brave
peace and isolation
in times of meditation
Dancing sunlit faces
of children that take their places
Beneath you gathers the rain
helping them through the pain
you soak it in for your own
they see how you have grown
barefoot and running
they leave your shade
your leaves are turning
and starting to fade
snow covered branches
hide the magnificent site
the next season to reveal
with its warm welcomed light

Sammich

2006-05-24T15:01:00.000-05:00

Jelly covered smile
Looks up from her plate
Peanut Butter fingers
are hard to mistake

She reaches for me
eyes smiling
Table
chair
wall
couch
outstreched arms
of wisdom tree

Star

2006-05-09T16:46:00.000-05:00

Center around
the blank expression
of youthless faces
lost and found

light the path
of existence
for those to walk through
who have eaten your light
and felt your sound

mark the passage of time
with a little grey sign
your love is light
and you are found

Meep Meep....

2006-05-01T07:48:00.000-05:00

Prepare for the late arrival of the spring Zephyr. That's right im in the works to return. I have a lot of poetry and stories to catch up on. I've missed you all, I have two more weeks of classes before summer. I can't wait to blog again... ( I have a lot of reading to catch up on too, hehe.)

Until then a Spring Mantra....

I make the lightening happen!

Since lightening comes up from the ground (college knowledge at work) remember it comes from your energy. And if you have that much extra energy that the earth has to get rid of it, imagine what you have locked inside. Have a great week everyone!!

Vaca...

2006-04-02T22:51:00.000-05:00

Im on a bit of hiatus from blogging all. I've been trying to read all of you but I just don't have enough time to blog for meslef. Please forgive Talula and read the rest of my family, they are great! Hopefully my workload will start slowing down sometime soon so I can spend more time here. Hugs all!!!

Charlie, Then and Now....

2006-03-21T22:29:00.000-06:00

Ok so I know everyone has already touched on this subject but I just got a chance to see the movie. I love the original Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. But I really must say, I love what Tim Burton has done with the place. He moved a chair or two and rearrange some songs; but man what a brilliant display of colorful imagination. Burton's movies are all wonderful in my opinion but this one is exquisite. Not because Burton did it, but its because he tested his own boundaries. Most of Burton's films tend to be monochromatic and he doesn't stray far from that in the beginning of the film to emphasis the struggle of Charlie's family. But my absolute favorite part of the movie was the ending. I have to watch the original again, which I own, but the new version is much happier I think. Chralie's family works hard through their monetary problems and pulls themselves up. Wonka doesn't pity them or give them charity. Instead the family sees this as an opportunity for them to grow as a family and strengthen. It was a wonderful retelling of a classic childhood story. I watched it with my kids and we analyzed it together, it was magnificent. Thank you Mr. Burton!

Conference

2006-03-21T22:22:00.000-06:00

Its official, I've been invited to my first teaching seminar. I am really excited. Mostly because its downtown and I just love my Chicago. But really this is such an excellent chance to meet excelling professional educators, it makes my heart pound. One of my professors invited his class to attend becuase he is part of the commitee that is hosting the seminar. My buttons are just busting people, I have to say. The only part I am not looking forward to is going alone. I am trying to find someone in the class that wants to go as well. But convincing 20 year olds that this is a great oppurtunity is kinda hard. It seriously infringes on their quarter pitcher night. Even if I have to go alone, it will be great just to be there.

Puke-a-thon

2006-03-21T22:19:00.000-06:00

While my sister's pledge drive is winding down, I have my very own puke-a-thon happening at my house. At first I thought we wouldn't be able to hit every room in the new apartment. I was mistaken. I have so much laundry I will be up all night. Turtle seems to be feeling better finally after the two day onslaught. Butterfly and I were also sick but we prefer the lower end rather than the upper. Times like this im thankful for my steam cleaner.

Tele--Whoo?

2006-03-16T01:17:00.000-06:00

OK so I work as a telemarketer... please don't throw things. I really need a job and these people are really fun. After my last experience I thought, how hard could it be to have phones slammed in your ear lol. But really im kinda good at it. Its fun, I meet a lot of people and I get to talk on the phone all day!!! The atmosphere at the job is very zany! Because its kind of stressful, the people I work with have decided to cope with it by being really pleasant to each other, whodathunkit. They dance, sing and actually talk to each other at breaks. I forgot that work could actually be fun. Well its not much of a job I guess, but its really good to build my confidence back up and get me out of the house for at least a little while. I'm only working part time because of school. But Butterfly got to go back to school so she is thrilled. I haven't started the selling yet, I have just been doing surveys. I can honestly say, the people who telemarket really are everyday people. I thought they were some kind of trolls that were forbidden from entering the rest of the world and the only means of communication was the telephone and a autodialer. So I go from hating my job to working in the most hated profession, hehe. I'm on a roll, I'll be totally prepared for my students, lmao.

Grace

2006-03-16T01:07:00.000-06:00

Sweet stillness
slow air.
Gliding gently
over the grass.
Tickles your feet
as you pass.
Soft giggle.
Cool fingers
gently wiggle.
Beaming bright
her smile
so light.
wispy hair trickles
down her face.

Oh the grace
of this moment.
Encased in this time.
Not to be wasted
but saved in your mind

Ode to the shower massager...

2006-03-12T18:32:00.000-06:00

Oh Shower Massager you are my friend...
You never talk back and you arnt too needy
You are there when i need you, warm and well.. warm
With your extending AHEM hose
Ok... even i can' t do this one....

All I'm saying, new shoes, a new shirt, and my shower massager, good enough for now...

Is this for real??!!

2006-03-12T18:30:00.000-06:00

Well its official! The second contract on my house fell through. Ho hum here we go. I have another offer, so we will see. Man someone stop this train, lol.

GO Duece!!

2006-03-11T09:23:00.000-06:00

The show last night was awesome and splendiferous. I've only had about 3 hours sleep but it was well worth it. Duece and one of our other friends were the bells of the ball. His family and friends all came out to open his show. Talk about a diverse crowd. It was held in a bit of a shady area, but apparently thats what the artists do... they move into areas where the rent is cheap to set up galleries and then the area takes off. Im a bit ignorrant to it all, but last night I felt like I found my piece of heaven. There was art everywhere and people too. A fashoin show for my other friends work walked right in front of me, hell actually bumped into me. As "London Calling" came over the speakers in the gallery a tall lanky blonde with red undertones bumped right into me, thats when i realized I was standing in the middle of the runway. Later in the evening I was kissed by a homeless poet who shared his work. I may post some at a later date, I have to figure it out first. All in all it was a very suprising evening, it ended at a bar with a few too many for my sis. She wasn't sick--it was far worse. She proceeded to tell everyone we were with how wonderful I am. Ok it may sound like I am an ungrateful sister but... everytime lil one gets tipsy and I do mean EVERYTIME, she sings my praises to the people we are around. I know my sis is proud of me and I love her dearly but it really is embarassing and I never know quite how to handle it. I just smile, nod and ask her politely to stop. But there is no stoping her when she is on a roll. I think she thinks she can find me a man by telling all the ones in earshot how wonderful I am, lol. Anyway, I love her and I was prepared for such the occassion. So no harm. It was cute and I had a wonderful time. Duece was a great sucess and I am so proud to call him my almost-family, AHEM hint-hint!

Artzy Fartzy

2006-03-10T11:23:00.000-06:00

Tonight I am attending my future-bro-in-law's art opening. I am so excited for him. This is his second show. I didn't get to attend the other one. So this is very special to me. Duece's paintings rock! Ok so I'm a little bias, but I really do love his work. I've been trying to find links to some of his work but I haven't been able too. He is modern with a touch of pop. If you live in the Chicago area and love paintings check out this link...

www.4ArtInc.com

Not my first time at the ball...

2006-03-10T11:13:00.000-06:00

Since this is technically my 3rd and last time reentering school in the past 7 years, I know my way around the park. So my hard work is starting to show, not only in my grades, but I was awarded one grant and am on the list to receive another one. Not only will this cover my complete education but it will give me extra money for housing and food. I was also informed this morning that I have been admitted to clinicals. The school I attend is highly competitive for teachers and there are limited spots available, so this is huge. It means I start the first semester of the 4 semester program this fall. I will begin observing and then student teaching. I am so excited I could burst. I am planning to attend classes over the summer to continue moving ahead. I sign up for those next week. This has been an exhilarating week.

Cosmic Soul

2006-03-06T20:49:00.000-06:00

Coccoon broke open
Free little wings
Blue insides
waiting to see
big soft world
all about me
Rainy heart
smokey mind
Beatrice my love
i find
strength initiated
Cosmic soul
liberated

Speed LIMIT???

2006-03-04T21:56:00.000-06:00

Thank you Bad Example for another stunning display of blogfodder!!

I CAN'T FUCKING DRIVE 55!!

Watch it, learn from our silly human behaivior...

The whole world isn't evil?

2006-03-04T08:21:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, the company that laid me off, did a much more evil thing to someone I care about very much. For me, it still hurts to go anywhere near that place. I won't even drive down that street anymore. I was never fired or laid off before. I think that all the feelings I have are normal except one.

While I was working there I hated the company and began to think all other companies were run the same way. I worked at very cold companies before that treated people like numbers, but this company topped the list. It wasn't just that they treated us like that but they tried to play us against each other. We were not allowed to make any decisions for ourselves. THAT was new. I NEVER, even at Little Caesar's (hehe), had a boss that didn't encourage new and creative solutions. Not only did they treat me like a number but they tried to strip the humanity completely out of me. I wasn't allowed any personal phone calls, they took away my breaks and they read all my emails. For a while I think it worked. I felt myself changing to "fit in." Or maybe I changed because I was afraid of losing my job. Either way, I know exactly what to look for at future companies now. NOONE deserves that! Yes, I realize that while you are at work you need to work. But a company that frowns upon "forging" friendships with fellow employees is just insane. There are plenty of shitty companies out there, but at least you can bitch about them on your lunch hour with your good friends, the other disgruntled employees. Is that too much to ask, a company that just controls my paycheck and not the rest of me?

But things are working out for me. I am so much happier! I don't yell at my babies like I used to. I have so much more patience. When I think about what I almost let that place do to me I cry. I am so much stronger and happier now. My determination to reach my personal goals has never been stronger. I believe God laid this experience in front of me to better prepare me for my future in my profession. Teaching is a very difficult job faced with adversity everyday. What better to prepare me for a classroom full of high school students than a workplace full of back stabbing cliques?

Game On!!!

2006-02-23T15:42:00.000-06:00

Well I'm pretty much moved into my new place. I've been working like a dog for about a week and a half straight and the work isn't finished yet. I still have to finsh moving the attic, basement and shed at the old house, urgh. But I want to throw out most of the left things so its just a matter of going through it. I started cleaning my house to present it to the new owners. I believe the new closing date will be next week sometime. So I have the rest of the week this week to get it ready.

The kids are wonderful! They couldn't be happier. Turtle and Froggy's room is blue with ninja turtle drapes, starwars, king kong, spiderman, and Green Day posters. They couldn't be happier. In the closet there are shelves at their level that Turtle placed his favorite books on and he sits in the closet and reads, its sooo cute. Froggy is excited because the attic left plenty of room for an art/music/homework room. Butterfly is more than pleased with her freshly painted purple princess suite I created for her. Papa built a ladder for her to get to her loft bed its so precious.

As soon as everything is settled I will take pics and post them. I had to paint 3 of the rooms. I should have taken before and after pics, it was that bad. But the space is wonderful. There is room for everything me and my babies need. My room is huge and I love it. I bought drapes for the whole place. I am really having fun with this house. The cat-who-would-be-dog has made a scratching post out of one of the moldings. Normally I would be terribly upset, but this particular molding has already been eaten by a puppy. It must smell good or just have animal magnetism. So my next purchase shall be bitter break.

School is going splendidly! Classes are sailing along. I love school. I think im perpetually 20, lol. I think I shall name my apartment Beatrice. I have two papers to write and two more exams to study for so.... I'm off like a prom dress :).

Counter Clockwise

2006-02-10T22:28:00.000-06:00

Fragmented glass
broken open dreams
Crash and fire
not meant to be
Young life lessons
to be told and
not learned
Counter clockwise
we move
nothing gained
hide our face
afraid and ashamed
I'm sorry to you
youth left behind
To be told you were true
and then led blind

Fireflies

2006-02-10T22:22:00.000-06:00

Orangle Glow Leaves
in the wind
Slowly melting sun
grow dim
Sparkle above you
and all around
Shine within
High off the ground
Feel my branches
running deep
Beneath you
while i sleep

Drunk Post....

2006-02-04T22:24:00.000-06:00

Ok it took me about 5 times to get into blogger... excuse the stammer and drool. Saturday everyone , hehe.... So its was my mom's bday party today and i made her a cake. It was a simple layer cake, or so I thought. Then I tried to remove them from the pan. I made sure they were thouroughly cooled... I thought i was safe. NOPE! I try gently to coax the cake out of the pan. I put a little pillow on the plate as to invite the cake in. The cake wasnt buying it. Stubborn CAKE!! What do you want from me??? I greased your pan, I lighty floured your EDGES, YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD!!!! I finally resorted to the spatula... I had to piece it back together to frost it. Does anyone else think frosting cans need to be bigger? You need like 1 and a half to frost a two layer cake. And that just sux, because what are ya gonna do buy two and waste a half? No your gonna buy two and use em both...can't waste the creamy goodness.

Wow I ramble when im drunk, lmao. I think ill quit while im ahead. Have a great weekend all, CHEERS!!

You and Me

2006-01-29T20:30:00.000-06:00

I walk with you
through dirty rain
I talk with you
through the pain
I touch your skin
and wipe your eyes
There is no more
in the filthy lies
We have no power
if not to be
The simplicity of
you and me.

Muse

2006-01-29T20:21:00.000-06:00

You want to inspire me
you think you know
The yearning inside
beginning to grow

I create to be normal
sane and secure
To get it all out
is my only cure

Don't be offended
Its absurd, demented
to think I can affect
change of any part

Boundless love
I feel in you
The window is open
I've flown through

Ok, so I Suck...

2006-01-29T20:06:00.000-06:00

I know, I'm a terrible blogger. I am so trying to get into the rhythm of school and everything else. I will be back in full force soon I promise.

here's the dish... I sold my house the closing is on Feb. 24, I found an apartment that I absolutely love and I am so exhausted I can't think straight.

My apartment is the coolest crap ever!! Its a three bedroom apartment with this GREAT attic space. Seriously its like hippie heaven up there. Literally, as you walk up the stairs you can hear a guitar, smoke fills the air and the word HEAVEN is written on the brick supporting post. The floor is covered in various carpets, crap from previous tenants is shoved off into the corners of the huge room, the rafters are old and have signs hanging from them, and the windows are stained glass. This I dub my studio. I will write, draw, and paint. I have screamed in excitement several times since signing the lease. I can walk to my school and I get to keep The-cat-who-would-be-dog and Squirreldog.

Meme

2006-01-29T19:36:00.000-06:00

Oh man it took me a bit but here they are....

Four Jobs I’ve Had:

Service Cashier for a car dealership
Corn Detassler
Home Service Aide for Shut Ins
Quality Lab Technician

Four Movies I could watch over and over and have:

The Sweetest Thing - Romantic Comedy with my girl Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate. Makes me laugh everytime I see the "ring" scene, hehe.

LOTR - DUH! the epic adventures of our time.

Office Space - Because cubicles are funny.

Predator - Cause its my favorite movie of all time.

Places I’ve Lived:

Barltett, IL

Hanover Park, IL

Edwardsville, IL

Aurora, IL

Four TV Shows I love to watch:

Medium - Its a good mystery type show with really bad writing and I love it.

Law and Orders - Yes, all of them.

That 70's Show - Cause they get "high" on tv, hehe.

Six Feet Under - The writing has always impressed me, but recently I've been upset where the characters are going. I don't think it will run much longer.

Four Places I’ve been on Vacation:

Norfolk, VA

Ft. Lauderdale, FL

Corpus Christe. TX

Kissemee, FL

Four Websites I visit Daily.

pogo.com - cause its got all the games I love to pay, and yes I pay for my membership, Ima geek.

I try to visit as much as my blog family as possible!!

torrentspy.com - my favorite site to get music.

And my university's website.

Four Favorite Foods:

Pizza

Smirnoff Watermelon Twisteds - thats food right?

Shrimps

Crab Legs right out the ocean :)

Four Places I’d rather be:

This one is hard for me because I truly am a believer in the here and now. But...

Austrailia - cause I've always wanted to go there.

Mexico - I want to visit the ruins.

Egypt - Same reason...

Japan - Because I want to learn everything I can about it. :)

So I'm not passing it on cause I'm so late in getting it done that everyone else has already been tagged.:)

Welcome My Sister

2006-01-18T11:34:00.000-06:00

There is a new girl in the family. Everyone hop on over and show her the blog-luv. Her name is Ktreva, she rocks :). Love ya Sis, your doing a great job!

One like no other

2006-01-17T20:38:00.000-06:00

Ahh the days that you can't live without. The kind that kick you around just a little to make sure you still have the good fight in you. That was today. Exhausting, wonderful and just plain fun; today was full of everything.

The day started early... Doc T came over last night. We stayed up talking till the weeee hours. Its so easy to lose track of time with him. This left me with about 3 hours of sleep. Not too bad, I thought. The alarm rings for me to wake up. I punch it a few times before I realize the critters are up and stirring. In fact they had been up for at least an hour before I rolled out of bed. Toys all over the living room and a roaring drum solo came out of my office. (Turtle plays the drums.) So I make sure everyone's clothes are on the right way and grab my soaking wet phone to head out the door. Wait a minute, soaking wet phone? Crap, my phone was suffocated by a tea soaked sock, I know that's hard to imagine but trust me it was a sock that fell into a cup of tea, left dangle out the top of the glass only to filter the tea onto the phone directly underneath it. My phone is fried like a brain on some good stuff man. I mean its really fudged. None of the buttons work except for the 4, which apparently is my sister's speed dial button. Sorry C, I didn't really call your house 40 times today and hang up.

Ok kids in the car... on the way to school. Music is on and everyone is happy. Wait everyone but Turtle. Then Froggy tells me its Turtle's half-bday and I forgot. CRAP!! Turtle never got to celebrate his half bday before and I promised him at the beginning of the school year he could. He always missed out on bringing treats to school. I calmed everyone down and promised Turtle I would return to school with treats for his class. And since he forgot his backpack as well, it was a good thing I had to drive all the way back in town for the cupcakes.

Ok done with kid's school for now... off to the phone store. PLEASE FIX THIS THING, HONEST I DON"T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! That story worked until he opened it up. Crap on a stick, I had the "warranty" but apparently is doesn't cover tea soaked socks. And since I'm in a contract... this is now my only means of communication with the outside world. Tomorrow I will have my old crapity-crap-crap phone hooked back up.

Ok screw the phone guy... onto cupcakes. I get the cupcakes and backpack. Run back up to school. See Froggy's aide in the hall. Talk to her for a long time. It was really great to see her.

Alright now my REAL day can start. Off to my school. Butterfly and me are painting the town today. We got my parking pass, books and I treated myself to an awesome backpack. YAH SCHOOL! Got Butterfly her free cookie from the cafe and off to the dreaded wall-crap for more supplies. Spent as little time and money at the hell of discount stores as possible. Then went home for our nap. YAH NAP! (Stealin my cheering from Doc T, he thinks its therapeutic, lmao. I just think its crazy I dig it.) Now I had the alarm set for the right time, but for some reason I hate time. I wake up 20 minutes late. OH CRAP, MY BOYS!! My poor little orphaned boys are waiting at school. The sad little faces that greet me at that door. It is now my mission to cheer them up and show them I care.

BIG OLE HORSE CRAP!!!! I forgot Froggy had a Doctor appt. at 6 an hour and a half drive away. Shoot and my mom was going to come watch the other two so I could take him. Longer story short, I had no phone to remind my mom so I took all the kids to Froggy's appt. Traffic was terrible. But the kids had a great time in the car and so did I. We talked, ate and sang the whole way there. It was really nice. And after the great appt., I took us all for milkshakes. (Great tip for car rides, milkshakes take a long time to finish and they keep little mouths busy :)

So moral of the day... lemons taste so much better as lemonade :)... Happy Week All!!

Bend Me Break Me...

2006-01-17T20:27:00.000-06:00

Wow its been a bit. So lets play some Ketchup...

I have a new squeeze his name is Doc T. He is funny, cute, charming and best of all he spoils the crap out of me, hehe. He is returning to school for his degree as well. It seems we make a good match. We are both insanely busy newly divorced parents. Neither one of us have much time to devote to a full time relationship. I will keep you posted ;). I am very happy.

Yesterday I got my first bid on my house. It was a low ball and it went no where but it was good to get me started. The activity on the house is starting to pick up now that the holidays are finally over and people are back in a routine.

Tomorrow I begin classes!! I get the luxury of returning to school. I am so excited. My end goal is to achieve a PhD in History (Ancient Japan). For now I am returning for my teaching certificate to teach secondary ed. Soon I will be able to mold the minds of the nations youth, scary ain't it.

Flush

2006-01-09T16:32:00.000-06:00

Make me blush
You make me flush
Tickle and touch
I want so much

You help me love
You show me care
I’m so much better
Because you are there

In my breath
Your ora surrounds
My deepest thoughts
Are with you now

I want for you joy
Smiles and laughter
I want to show you
The world I’m after

Quiet soft kisses
Not to be rushed
Gentle whispers
You make me flush

Fritz Fest

2006-01-09T12:52:00.000-06:00

For those of you who couldn't make it, Fritz Fest was awesome. There was food, music, football, spirits and fun. I only wish it could have lasted longer. It was such a pleasure meeting so many of the people I have been reading about for the past four months.

Happy Friday :)

2006-01-06T10:03:00.000-06:00

Woohoo its the weekend!! I was able to get a lot accomplished this week and the kids are doing so wonderfully.

Butterfly brought her Barbie Rock Star Guitar thingy to show-n-share today. She had been waiting for this day all week. Nothing like seeing a 4 yr old singing "What a Girl Wants" into a headset as she jams her electric guitar. Man is she cute. Her teachers are expecting quite a show. I might slip up there later to take some pics.

Turtle is reading about a book a day. It blows my mind. He is 7 and he reads almost as fast as I do. Ok, thats not saying much but he is amazing. He is reading Captain Underpants currently and he loves the Series of Unfortunate Events books.

Froggy is happy to be back in school. He made his aide a necklace over the break and couldn't wait to give it to her. Sandy was out because of knee surgery but she made a special stop into school to see Froggy. That made his week.

Froggy and Turtle have been on me too... I forgot to pay for the lunches so they have had to eat peanut butter sammiches. I paid today so they could have their Friday pizza.

This weekend D will have them. I miss them already. Its so funny, it was hard when they first came back from TN, but now I miss them everyday. I can't wait until I'm back in school so they can see me being productive again. I worry about setting a positive example for them.

Dating??!! Talula's dating rules Vol. 1

2006-01-02T09:19:00.000-06:00

Ok, I knew marriage was difficult but I forgot how hard it was to date. It may be me, I'm thinking. I would really like to find someone to hang out with right now. I don't have any free time to devote to a full time relationship. I mean, I just got rid of a marriage that consumed every inch of me. The last thing I want is to get into a similar situation. So why do I crave the companionship? I love my free alone time, the introspective me that I've become and the fact that I can finally just do things the way I need them to be done. I hate the jealousy and pettiness of relationships.

Bottom line... I have been dating. I've been meeting some awesome people. Men who seem to want similar things. However, when it comes down to it... it still seems like I'm searching. What does it mean to be in a dating relationship? How is it supposed to work? Can you be "boyfriend/girlfriend" without interfering in the other aspects of each other's lives? Do we need labels?

Here are some rules I created to guide me in my search for companionship:

5. Labels... I don't suggest it. For me, it seems like expectations come with labels. Communication is better. If you know what your relationship is and where its going then there will be no misunderstanding.

4. Live... Do not change your life to fit anyone else's. Compromise in any relationship is huge, however, when you begin dating it should play a very small part. Your lifestyle and family should never become any part of the discussion until you have been in a relationship with a person for a LONG time.

3. Kids and Dating... Close to my heart and one of the hardest rules for me. I am afraid of having anyone around my kids. I just don't want them to be involved in any of it. The person I am looking for should be looking for me not my kids. I am not sure how this rule finishes because I haven't crossed that bridge. I've seen what happens to children when either one of their parents begin dating and bringing lots of different people in and out of the kids lives. That will not happen to my kids. I refuse. My rule is... only people I have known for about a year may meet my kids. And again that's only a meeting, no alone time at all whatsoever. I am so far out of this it hurts to even think of. I just want them protected. I want them to feel safe and loved always. I lost one relationship already because of this rule, but I am not willing to budge.

2. Understanding... Find someone that understands me. Everyone has perks and faults. Its important to me to take note of both. I need to understand the strengths as well as the weaknesses of the men I chose to date. This is important on so many different levels. It guards my heart... if I know what the weaknesses are I will only expect what they are able to give. This prevents the "there must be something wrong with me" feeling that comes with dating. I know me, I understand me and I must be willing to do the same for the other person.

1. Dating or Relationship?... Here is my blurry line. When do you change from just dating into a relationship? Here is what I know so far (very little)... sex changes things. Good or bad it does. A few weeks ago I created a rule for myself that I was going to be celibate for a good long time. I don't think this is a realistic option for me. I assume its because I am a 30 year old Talula. I don't find guilt in it at all; however, its important to know that the person I chose to be with in a sexual relationship is not dating anyone else. That is my line. Call it dating or relationship, I don't know. An intimate relationship is one that can be shared with only one other person. Having been a bit of a "playa" back in the day, I've been down that road and its not something I care to repeat (lesson learned).

Don't Know How to Post

2006-01-02T09:10:00.000-06:00

So I've hit a blockage. I have too much to write about I think. In addition, I don't know how to put it on paper. I'm a talker plain and simple. I love to talk. But see I've realized that I cannot post like I speak. You can take back spoken words so much easier than their written cousins. I have this big right foot that fits so nicely in my mouth, I wouldn't want it to be without work. I mean one of us has to have a job, really.

So I turn to writing again. I will be turning off comments on some of my newer posts. Its not that I don't value all of your thoughts. Its just that I've had some problems with negative comment posting and I want to keep my site positive and full of energy unless I choose it to be any different. Thanks for understanding and I promise it won't be a dull read, lol.

March of the Wee Ones

2006-01-02T09:04:00.000-06:00

They're back!!! I couldn't be happier. It was such a wonderful break but its so nice to have them home safe. My hugs and kisses are back, hehe.

I washed the smoke smell off them last night, yuck. And we snuggled. They are home from school today. Although, Mommy thought there was school and drove through town before I realized the neighborhood schools were all closed. Everytime I do that I think to myself, PUT UP THAT DARN CALENDER THEY SEND HOME SILLY AS$!!. Just one of my many many querks hehe.

We will have a restful day the four of us. Reading, coloring and perhaps a trip to the grocery store. Its really great they have one more day of relaxation with me before they have to go back.

Kidless Week...

2005-12-28T08:54:00.000-06:00

Man i gave my right arm for this...

I really didn't know what I was going to do with myself this week. My X-In-Laws took all three of my babies to TN with them for a week. They fo this about every two or three months. I love it cause I get the much needed rest I so richly deserve and they get to see all there cousins and spend great quality influence time with Grams and Gramps. Yes thats right, by the time they get back I will have to calm them back down to their routine.

So what to do with myself. Man there is tons of stuff I should be doing... But I'm opting for fun. Going shopping, watching movies, dinner with friends, and of course getting crazy drunk a few.

I hung out with a roadie on Monday evening until the wee hours. I couldn't believe the stories, its like I had a live-to-Talula "Behind the Music". It was sooo cool. We laughed, drank, ate pretzels... lets just say I'm glad I had my bodygaurd with me ;). Ty McHenryDude, loves ya Babe.

Sometimes it feels like I am at least 3 different women. Mom by day....party girl by night. For some reason its like someone flips the on switch inside me at aroung 6 O'clock. I think it comes from the many many years I worked on second shift.

Take a Walk

2005-12-24T11:02:00.000-06:00

As I walk through the snow,
I glance at the path behind me.
Ahead lays the fresh white pillow
waiting for my impression.

Each mark is my own.
The depth, width and stride
determined by the
emotional and physical gravity
I lay to it.

I step forward
pressing tenderly.
Soft while fluff
puffs around my shoe.

Pressing deeper
into the gentle blanket.
Hearing the crunch
beneath me.

Falling to my knees,
weeping.
Every spark inside
relit.

Stocking Stuffer

2005-12-23T13:46:00.000-06:00

Ok ty Contagion for this one... its too cute...

Your Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled With a Puppy

Well - one cute, soft, cuddly puppy...
And a very soiled Christmas stocking.

What will you get from the Santa?

Top 5 Xmas Movies...

2005-12-21T18:25:00.000-06:00

5. The Snowman. It just reminds me of being 10, sitting in the auditorium of our school on a winter day packed with the whole school, shyly smiling at Tommy W. while giggling with my girlfriends.

4. A Christmas Story. As a child I hated this movie. I thought it trivialized the role children played in the holidays and made them seem stupid. I hated the fact that he poked his eye out. As an adult I began to appreciate the cultural satire the movie brought to a very wide audience.

3. Charlie Brown Christmas. Because I love the cleverness of the Snoopy. Because everytime I hear that piano it reminds me of evergreens.

2. Elf. I love it because its a new movie that is so simple and pure. The more recent holiday movies have all strayed from simple themes and have gotten so diluted and complex. Buddy the human elf is like an adult child. I often wish for at least one day all the adults in the world could remember what it was like to be an awe inspired child as they caught fresh snow on their tongue. The wonder and magic of childhood should always be in our hearts.

1. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Oh my goodness. I have such a love for this movie. The snowman narrator Burl Ives, the abomidable snowman, and the elf who wants to be a dentist. A true Christmas classic. The songs warm my heart and the island of misfit toys... I wanted to live there. Has to be my no. 1 and my children's' now as well.

Have the most wonderful holidays ever, may this year be filled with love and simplicity.

Walka Walka...

2005-12-20T15:45:00.000-06:00

My life has changed dramatically in the last few weeks.

I am now a divorced woman with three children. Its funny, I thought this would scare the crapola out of me but quite the opposite. I feel stronger and more loved than ever. I have become so close to my children its unbelievable. I love this independent me. Not that I wasn't before, but being in a relationship that wasn't working really took a toll on me. My body and mind were hurting so much. I would never wish divorce on my worst enemy. But its over for now and one hurdle is down in that road.

Then three days later of course, I lost my job. Possibly the best thing that could have happened. I have soooo much more time with my kids and self. I can completely focus on my goals now. I was so far off my path with that job. I knew it, but I couldn't see a way out. Its funny how everything becomes so clear when you step out of the fog.

Five days later, I had surgery. Although I do not know the final results of the biopsy, it looks like the growth I had in my side was some type of scar tissue. I will find out for sure on Thursday. Needless to say I was off pain killers in two days and started walking and standing for periods the next day. It will be a week tomorrow and I feel great. I have no pain and the incision is healing well.

Oh yeah, did I mention I'm selling my home? No biggie really anymore. I am used to the idea and am looking forward to a fresh new start. But no bites yet. **Fingers crossed**

My Froggy is doing soo much better too. The doctors at UIC are amazing. There are just so few doctors that really specialize in children like Froggy.

I wanted to share with all of you. Because my family and I are doing so well, I never thought last year at this time we would be this healthy, strong and happy.

Thank you so much to all my family and friends who have been there for me. I love and appreciate each and every one of you.

Holiday Mantra

2005-12-19T18:20:00.000-06:00

Ok its been a while, I do apologize!!

Say in a singing voice in your head:

"Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin laid an egg.... Batmobile lost its wheel and the Joker got away HEY!"

***Note: Be VERY careful not to shout "HEY!" outloud. This may be alarming to others within earshot.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE !!!!!!!!

TV

2005-12-19T18:05:00.000-06:00

I noticed something about myself recently and I wanted to share. Over the summer I didn't have TV. I listened to the radio and got my news off the internet. I hadn't noticed until now how it really affected me. I knew I had more time and all that, but what I didn't realize is my creativity spiked. At first I chalked it up the ebbs and flows of life. Now, I am beginning to see things a little differently.

I've had TV now for around 4 months or so. During that time I started this blog and really began writing again. As the weather turned cold, I found myself indoors more and more. It seems like my creativity stems from the beauty of nature in all its forms.
So I theorized that my blockage was caused from the lack of outside time. But then again, I don't think so. IT seems when I don't watch any form of electronic media, including mindless surfing, my creativity spikes. I think it shuts down the creative centers in my brain for some reason. Possibly it just preoccupies them. Mind numbing madness I suppose. Have I mentioned, I have way too much time on my hands :)?

5 weird Habits

2005-12-13T08:32:00.000-06:00

I was tagged by Sticks, so here it goes...

5. Dancing dishes doer. Yep, I shake my rump soapin the glassware.

4. Obsessive tongue chewer. When I concentrate on something i chew on my tongue. I 've done it since I was a kid and I don't even know why.

3. Bad movie lover. When I go through a rough time, nothing cheers me up like a really stupid movie.

2. Procrastinator extraordinaire. I try as hard as I can not to. Its me though, I always want everything to be perfect, so I put things off until I can make them that way. It never stops me from doing things, just makes me rushed a lot.

1. Extreme Love Shower. I smother my kids contantly with affection and compliments. This is my favorite habit. As soon as I pick them up from school, they get a hug, kiss, a big smile, and a "how is your day going, baby?". My mom thinks I spoil them, but I love it so its not changing, hehe.

So there they are just Five Habits of a very odd girl. Tammi was right, its very hard to narrow it down to 5.

Shell

2005-12-09T11:47:00.000-06:00

Surface
Artificial Wound
Heal Quickly

Strong mind
and stronger heart
Hold your head high

There will be a
place for you
beneath the shimmering
of the moon

I hold it open
and let you in
welcomed
beloved

Get LAID... off

2005-12-09T11:28:00.000-06:00

OK I hate posting when I'm emotional, but here it is and consider yourself warned.

I just got "laid off" today. My position was eliminated. In reality they wanted to get rid of me. I guess I can't blame them. I didn't fit their culture and I couldn't play by their rules. But now I'm scared. I am a single mother of 3 children who is now unemployed.

Ok enough with that, back on my feet. Time to hit the ground running and all. Their must be a position for a brilliant poet who speaks her mind, right? Just kidding, I can pretend to be polite, really i can. Don't worry about me folks, this is the first time I've ever been let go and it probobly wont be the last. I have a strong shell, i just have to build up the weak spots.

Hehe

2005-12-03T20:40:00.000-06:00

Ok got a little mushy on ya with this one. I thought it fitting since my site was so aptly renamed by my mama.

LOVE STAINS

2005-12-03T20:33:00.000-06:00

Savory eyes
your movement
to my motion
longing
gazing
gentle brush
lips shyly touch
calming tingle
fingers through hair
i long for you
and your magic stare

come to me now
find me here
all alone
welcoming arms
peaceful words
filling your heart
with what you deserve

Lady...like?

2005-11-29T17:35:00.000-06:00

What exactly defines a lady?

It has come to my attention (again) that I am not very "ladylike." I hate crossing my legs, i love to sweat and getting dirty is only the half, hehe. However, if I ever want to get a date again, I think I have to at least pretend.

So I have come up with my lady list, the 5 things all ladies must be able to do.

5. Batt Eyelashes.
Well you can't break a sweat, so you have to use all your cuteness to get things done.

4. Walk with flare.
Again, since the last thing you would want is to do anything for yourself, shake it like its hot baby.

3. Giggle often.
Ladies don't beer belly laugh, they giggle, hehe.

2. Shave your arm pits, everyday not just for sex, holidays or summer.
This one actually does require work. If you think you will break a sweat, repeat steps 5 and 4 till someone offers to do it for you.

1. Fart without making a sound. Oh Im sorry, did I say fart? I meant POOF.
A lady must be able to clear a room without leaving a mark, oops i mean making a sound.

Four day work

2005-11-25T11:11:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving to all I didn't get to visit yesterday!!!

It was a wonderful thanksgiving here. I went to my sister's, ate and played like a fiend. It was great. In addition to my family, she invited one of her friend's friends, her boyfriend's best friend, and another friend of hers. There was 13 of in all, a perfect number in fact. Her friend's friend was Fredo, he is from Puerto Rico. He rocked. He lead the table in a round of prayers, it was really cool. My family is Catholic, so we usually say the same boring thing lol. It was a very welcome change. My sister's friends are so diverse I love going to visit. It like a mini adventure and the kids really enjoy it.

So now the fun is over and its solid work time for me. The kids are gone for the weekend and I have to paint my whole house, yikes. I am selling it and they are going to start showing it monday. Oh man its a lot of work. I have some people coming over to help, but man I have to stay motivated. I am not lazy, but I am a perfectionist so it takes me forever. Ok done with playtime, have a good weekend all, I'll see you monday!! :)

Mantra

2005-11-21T23:46:00.000-06:00

Here it is, the Holiday Mantra:

TURKEY, FOOTBALL, FAMILY AND A FOUR DAY WEEKEND, HECK YEAH!!!

Ok I'm tagged so here it is

2005-11-21T23:19:00.000-06:00

Contagion slapped me upside the head with this meme after meeting me this weekend. Should I be offended?

1. Do you use an alarm clock to wake up in the morning?

yes, it plays Tori unless I forget to put her in then it goes BEEEEP... BEEEPPP, and I smack it.

2. What time do you set it for?

I have no clue. I havent switched the time back on it, so its an hour ahead. I think its set for 6:45 which is really 5:45 but actually since it is about 23 minutes fast that would be... ummm... 5:22 a.m.

3. Do you hit the snooze button? If so how many times?

I smack the crap out of my alarm clock. About 6 times i think. Not quite sure.

4. Have you ever abused an alarm clock?

I try to be nice to my alarm clock cause its kinda cool. But my previous alarm clocks would eventually stop going off for some reason. I think they were scared of me. They knew the rath of the tired zephyr.

5. It’s time to spread some “It’s Blogcess” linky love.
This isn't a question. Does it actually count?

So there it is, I guess my right big toe is gonna fall off cause I'm not tagging anyone else, lol.

Froggy Gets Better

2005-11-15T22:16:00.000-06:00

My baby is going to get more help. YEAH!! His new doctor is going to network to find a child phychologist closer to my house. It took me two hours to get him to the doctor tonight, but every second of the drive was worth it. I finally feel like we are in a clinic that knows how to treat him. Dr. M thinks my froggy has, in addition to the Asperger's, a mood disorder. He is not sure the type of mood disorder, but he thinks thats why it has been so difficult to treat him.

So its good news. Mommy can relax for a bit.

Mantra

2005-11-14T18:51:00.000-06:00

There is a light inside me that noone can put out.

Home

2005-11-11T06:55:00.000-06:00

The love in these walls
will never be matched
Cracks in the floors
never to be patched

Backyard so free
will no longer be home to
Pinics and basketball
bike rides, chalk drawings
Training wheels
lost teeth, puppy tails
swingsets and skinned knees

Crayon colored walls
koolaid stained counters
Goodbye my home

We have enough Youth, how bout a fountain of Smart?

2005-11-08T20:34:00.000-06:00

I wish I knew what happened to my finese. I had it once, in fact, I was FULL of it, lol. Seriously, my tolerence level for stupidity has evaporated. I used to be tolerant and patient, now I'm bitchy and pushy. The funny part is I think I like the latter. I get more accomplished. Alas, when you have to deal with stupidity on a daily basis, you must finese. How do I get it back?

I've thought of some role playing exercises... (I am person A)

Person B: After some "thought", I have decided that it would be more efficient to drive backwards everywhere. If you drive backwards the odometer will count down and your gas gage will go up.

Person A: (Breathes deeply) I really like your ingenuity. You broke that box right down haven't you. We will try that and see how it goes.

What do you think? Am I on the right path?

Mantra

2005-11-08T08:50:00.000-06:00

Sorry this one is a day late but here you go:)....

When your boss gives you a rought time ....

Dude, I could totally stuff him in a locker right now!

Trust me it will make you chuckle inside thinking of his flailing limbs.
And as you lock the door his little screams no one can hear. Oh my its gonna be a fun day for me, lol.

Top Five Things Every Weekend Should Contain

2005-11-06T09:36:00.000-06:00

5. Weekend outfit. --- Thats right, I said it. The sweats and tshirt you plop on while you sit and do laundry on Saturday are the same ones you wear on Sunday to watch football in and eat mint chocolate chip ice cream. Now if you live with someone you may have to alter the outfit and at least find a fresh tshirt, but really why make more laundry for yourself when you just cleaned everything the day before, lol.

4. Naps -- Weekends are the opportunity to throw your daily schedule right out the window. Noone to tell you what to do, kick up on that recliner and take a great rest.

3. Movie. -- For me movies are one of the cheapest forms of escapism. If you happen across a good one, for a few hours you are in another place completely. Big Fish and Finding Neverland are two examples of movies that just carry you off.

2. Captain and Coke.-- Mixed with a little music, a packed bar or bowling alley, good friends, new friends, and a pink balloon makes for very interesting stories to get you through the upcoming week.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THING EVERY WEEKEND SHOULD CONTAIN...... (DRUM ROLL)

1. Peeing in the men's bathroom at a bar, having someone bang on the door to get in, opening the door and seeing the guy's face as you saunter out with a big smile only to hear the words "its ok you're HOT!" -- When it comes down to it, all women want to hear (at least once a weekend) is "your smoking baby." For most, number 1 must be accompanied by number 2.

Ok here ia a Link you gotta check out

2005-11-05T16:43:00.000-06:00

My friend McHenry Dude sent this to me.

Silly students

Thank you

2005-11-05T15:55:00.000-06:00

Thank you all for your thoughts. I never meant for anyone to worry. I am well. I just needed to get angry enough at my job to be ready to find one that makes me happy. I am looking now and I will be happy. I am easy to please really. So thank you all:). I luvs ya.

Get Out

2005-11-02T20:34:00.000-06:00

Pushing and pulling
I run through the night
Hoping to find
Something to grab onto

I struggle, search
blindfolded, scratching
I feel my stomach burning
ripping at the blindfold

I want to keep running
the car has no gas
the lights are all off
stars stopped shining
the moon hides and waits
for time to pass by
the moment arrives
for me to be me

Sanctuary

2005-11-02T20:12:00.000-06:00

The last straw was pulled from my thinly woven hat today.

I had a pretty interesting day to say the least. But I think the experience that sums it up best is as follows:

Since I have worked at my job I have been alotted two 15 min breaks. When I started the guys in the machine shop had a card game every break. It took me months to get the opputunity to play cards with them. One day they were short a player and they asked me to join. I was overjoyed to be included in their ritual. We have been playing together for months. Taunting, bragging, laughing and just taking a good old fashioned break from our daily routines. It was my slice of peace at work. Today it ended. My boss has taken it away from me. I reminded him that it was the ONLY perk I got from this company. It did not matter. Its over.

For those that know me, I'm sure you understand what a blow this is to me. You know how long it took for me to be accepted by the "guys." I really have nothing else to say about my work now, it is dead to me. There is no more they can take from me now and I am going to leave. I am just very sad it had to work out this way. I would have helped them grow and construct great customer relations. They will never appreciate my time and effort. So it's time to find a company that will come a little closer to my goals and expectations. It may seem that I am a bit opptimistic about businesses and their relationships with employees. In reality I have no choice, the only thing that keeps me going right now is knowing there is a company out there that will allow me to grow with them and help to make the company stronger. I worked for such a company once and had to leave or relocate. Relocation is not a real option for a single mother of three. But I had it once, a company that recognized my potential and fed it willingly. I know its out there and I will find it again. I just want the oppurtunity to work my butt off, make a difference and be respected all at the same time. I will never again waste a moment of my time working anywhere different.

Nut Job

2005-11-01T18:20:00.000-06:00

I couldn't make this up if I tried!!!

I am going to get a NUT JOB tomorrow at work!! LMFAO Now I know what your thinking...she doesn't have the right equipment for a nut job, does she?
Apparently White Bread, i mean bossman, thinks I do. He voluteered me to head up the nut gifts for our customers. I am suprised he didn't ask me to bake cookies on top of it. I am not a raging feminist at all, but seriously folks, I work as a process engineer and estimator. I am not sure where nuts come into play.

BALLS, maybe, but no nuts!!

Mantra

2005-10-31T07:20:00.000-06:00

Here it is your little mantra of the week special Halloween edition:

I am the scariest monster in town! I could kick all thier as$es!!

Have a Great, Safe Halloween all!!! Booooooooooo!

Dance in the Streets Nekkie

2005-10-28T06:35:00.000-05:00

Woohoo! Its Friday!!!!!

Man it did not come soon enough. HALLOWEEN is upon us WOOOOOO (I scared you.)

Time for me to visit my sisters and haunt the town. I rented some scarey movies to round out the weekend, so I am all set to scare the sh1t out of myself all alone watching these things, lol. I will let you know if I sleep with my baseball bat.

The kids are all set: Froggy is Dracula, Turtle is YugiOH, Butterfly is the Devil (hehe).

I love Halloween, the stories, houses and candies. This weekend I will also be taking the kids driving to look at all the spooky houses. I'm so excited! I only wish they were old enough for haunted houses. They get too scared yet. But in a few more years, just in enough time for them to want nothing to do with mommy, they will be ready and I will beg them to let me take them, lol. I am sure I will hear the phrase, "But Mom, all my friends are here, can you please just drop us off?" I'm sniffling already. Oh well, I got em now so I get to drag em all around town and spend all day with em :).

Where does it come from?

2005-10-25T19:55:00.000-05:00

Ok seriously, I really have no clue. The poems are loosely based on my life, sometimes not at all, could be a dream or it could be something that happened to someone I know. But mostly they are thoughts, fragments I piece together. At any given time I have about a thousand thoughts running through my head, as well as pictures and feelings. To keep me sane and keep it all straight I write, read and draw.

I love creating something with my hands. Writing is relatively new to me. I've never thought of myself as a writer. I have always been an artist. I'm not sure if I am any good, but I love drawing, painting, sculpting, and building. In fact, it really never mattered if it was any good. It was just me, its always been me. Its what I do. Its the one thing I don't need anyone's approval for. If you hate it, cool... it wasn't meant for you then. I think the people my art and writing are meant for find it. I am positive that my work means something different to every single person who views or reads it. I am interested in creating emotions inside someone. If I can make someone feel for just one second, that piece was worth all my effort.

Sunset

2005-10-25T19:38:00.000-05:00

Golden glow lighting your hair
soft caress
and longing stare

Sitting, watching
gently kissing
hands meet
eyes lock

Slowly trickling
the water below
over the rocks
salty foam

Thick steamy air
fills each breath
this magical place
where we first met

You know what its like...

2005-10-25T19:29:00.000-05:00

You hear your favorite song of the moment on the radio, and even though you have the CD, you crank the fuzzy, crackling radio station all the way up in your car with 3 good speakers. Then you drive down a road heading into the sunset on your journey to the love of six little arms outstreched just waiting to wrap around you. Love fills your heart as you lift all three off the ground with a smile, laugh, and big bear hug.

I am so happy I decided to post my babies pics on my blog. There are somedays when I forget what its all for. Then a snapshot can turn my head around and make that voice coming from my heart drown out all the daily stress.

Thank you my crazy little ones.

More pics as promised...

2005-10-24T06:56:00.000-05:00

My Froggy

My Turtle

Construction...

2005-10-24T06:52:00.000-05:00

So, I got the roll to work finally!! Woohoo. I am still trying to figure out how to imput an image in my sidebar. I am close, I can smell it.

Anywho... I am told there are free lessons on blogging on the web. Could you please share your links with me this week, pretty pretty please with sugary icing on top? <<>>

Mantra

2005-10-24T06:47:00.000-05:00

If I fold my arms under my boobies, they look so awesome.

Say it over and over until the object of your stress disappears from you mind.

Note: This Mantra can only be used by women over 30. Sorry men your on your own this week. (Maybe you could try the sock trick.)

My Butterfly

2005-10-20T20:42:00.000-05:00

My butterfly. I just figured out how to imput pics all, look out!

She had an open house at her daycare this evening and she was the star. She got up danced and sang and giggled every minute. It was my slice of heaven for the day so I thought I would share.

A prayer to Start your Day Tomorrow

2005-10-20T20:37:00.000-05:00

Just Tuned In

2005-10-20T20:36:00.000-05:00

Cutting you
I cut through me
Are you there
Can you see
the pain you've driven
into me

Stinging deep
burn, gush
i have nothing
left to crush

Pull, twist
writhe, wriggle
Solemn solace
Peaceful sleep

Stir spirit
awake mind
resolution
yet to find

Mantra

2005-10-16T21:02:00.000-05:00

Here it is your Mantra for the week.

I have the vagina/penis of power.

Since most people who make you feel bad do so because they do not have the power, hehe. Its like saying, Dude that guy has total penis envy, but in a fun way.

HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYONE!!

Grass

2005-10-16T08:06:00.000-05:00

Ok, I think its been over a month since I cut my grass, lol. I love doing it but I have been so busy I haven't had a chance really. Well maybe I have and football or naptime was more important.

Anyway, I get to use my new weed wacker! I am excited. No really, I think this one should really be able to cut down some of the monster weeds I have growing along my fence.

Why do weeds grow faster than grass? Why do weeds stay alive when the flowers I bought all die? Am I missing my calling? Was I supposed to be a weed farmer? I have weeds of all kinds, big ones, spikey ones, ones with flowers, and ones with berries of some sort that stain Turtle's clothing. Ok the last ones are raspberry bushes, but I didn't plant them and have no idea where they came from.

Pumpkin Carving

2005-10-16T07:51:00.000-05:00

We are going to carve our pumpkins today, woohoo! I love this and hate this all at the same time. SO I think to make it easier on Mom this year we will paint them. The kids love to paint and I think the pumpkins stay longer if you dont cut them. I will miss the pumpkin seeds though.

My butterfly (4 yr old daughter) got the biggest pumpkin at 32 lbs. The thing weighs more than she does. She is so adorable with it though.

Crash

2005-10-14T19:29:00.000-05:00

Today my car was broken
today my dreams were smashed
Im mad becuase i let it happen
i knew it wouldnt last

it hurts to walk
it hurts to breathe
i wish i was anyone
but me

ill be better soon
tonight ill be the moon
the stars will play with me
upon the sparkling sea

the light will come tomorrow
to scare away my sorrow
only then ill see
it wasnt meant to be

Froggy

2005-10-12T21:21:00.000-05:00

Hop into my world
bright bouncy boy
change my life
my bundle of joy

Watching you grow
drawing writing
laughing and playing

Big brown eyes
soft velvety hair

Bear hugs
monster mashes
soft skin
and long eyelashes

Born to me
youll never know
world before you
anything but whole

The Power of Orange Knickers

2005-10-12T20:48:00.000-05:00

Man I love new undies!! There is nothing better than going to work for a stressful day in a nice set of matching undies. (The hidden power keeps you going all day, I swear.) Its like you know that no matter what happens you look damn good under those clothes and only you or the person you choose can see it, hehe. The only other things I love buying more than undies is shoes. I have never been a "typical" girl except for those two things. Its great to be a woman sometimes. hehe.

So I wonder... do men find joy in a fresh pair of undies? Is this a gender or a people thing? Men, do you strut your stuff when you have that pair of elephant thongs on under your suit?

Btw... the link above is to Tori's webite. She is my favorite Siren. "The Power of Orange Knickers" is a song off her album The Beekeeper. If you have never heard her I suggest at least giving her one listen. Her melodies are enchanting, her piano playing is mystifying to watch and her lyrics leave you to marvel at the world around you.

If i were President

2005-10-12T19:51:00.000-05:00

This morning before school and work, my Froggy (8 yrs old) and my Turtle (7 yrs old) had a discussion. They were talking about children in their classes. Froggy told Turtle that his friend's Dad was the President of his company. Turtle asked what made the boys Daddy a president. Froggy reponds, "Well Turtle, you see, he has a great big desk (stretching out arms) and they even let him have a phone!!" Mommy was in the bathroom doing her hair when the conversation went down. I had to shut the door so they wouldn't hear my laughter.

I have to tell you, I felt like a President all day long. Thank you Froggy, you light my world with kindness and color.

Baked Spaghetti

2005-10-11T20:17:00.000-05:00

Tammi, my tum tum thanks you for the yum yums.

love ya mama:)

Red Devil

2005-10-11T19:20:00.000-05:00

Shadows
crawling darkness
Red devil light the way

Path before
closed door
turn to you
I stray

Flutterby
I follow
peaceful stroll
waivering
i struggle
to keep my soul

Mantra for the Week

2005-10-09T20:10:00.000-05:00

Each Sunday I am going to post a "Mantra for the Week". Just some little thing to have running through your head this week to help you through til Friday.

Here it goes... lemme know if it works.

"My ass looks so fucking good in these pants!"

In case you are unfamiliar with mantras, here is a short example of how to use it.

Boss: Did you get your spreadsheet done yet? We are all really counting on you, to have the.....

You: inside your head (important) My ass looks so Fucking good in these pants!

Boss: (thinking you heard every word cause you have a huge smile on your face) Thank you, Im glad we can depend on you.

So this week, whenever you feel a little stress, repeat the Mantra!

Patch

2005-10-09T19:59:00.000-05:00

So.... pumkin patch. I loved them as a child. My children love it. Today I lost some of the love.

We go to a pumkin patch every year for hay rides, horseplay, apples, perserves and pumpkins. Today we went and much to my suprise, they started charging for the horseplay! Thats right, no corn maze, corn tunnel, cheesy pics of kids in wooden cutouts; unless you pay $4 a piece for the kids and $1 for each parent! Now this doesn't seem unfair or overly pricey; however, these things were meant to attract people to the farm to spend their money on the goods. So I came home with no apples, no apple pie and little perserves. I am not entirely sure about the inner workings of a pumpkin farm, but this hurt my heart to see.

I understand we are ALL going through hard times right now, but raise the price of the goods. LET THE CHILDREN PLAY!

Fleeting

2005-10-09T19:53:00.000-05:00

Giggle
play
laugh
tickle
amuse

drink
eat
release
relax

discuss
plan
conlude

confusion
pain

end

Mommy Manual

2005-10-08T07:55:00.000-05:00

Man I am hurting today... I swear there should have been a Mommy Manual... so here is an except from mine....

Chapter 1 : MOM IS RESPONSIBLE FOR.....

A. Breast feeding unitl your nipples are soo sore you want an ice machine in your bra.
B. Being shaken in the middle of the night by older child.."Mom, mom, mommy.... brother hurled all over the room, down the stairs, and into the bathroom come quick!"
C. Having a spare spot in the bed for... accidents, thunderstorms, nightmares and the extra love that only comes from Mommy's arms in the middle of the night.
D. Referee - fights, games, crayon splitting, desert sharing, car rides.... pretty much everything.
E. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PANIC EVER!!!!---- When your son comes into your room the first thing in the morning with blood running down his face and neck do not say "OMG look at all the blood." (Trust me not the right reponse.) Instead remain calm, even though you can see your son's skull through the gash on the top of his head, because this will not be an isolated incident. The emergency room will become your "Cheers", thats right EVERYONE will know your name.
D. Barbie heads, lipstick, robots, money, fruit snacks, banana peels and dried worms, finding all the things children put in their pockets BEFORE you wash their clothes.

These are a few of mine that I have learned so far. There is more but alas... i have no more energy left to type. Happy Saturday Mommies everywhere!

Bad Mommy

2005-10-06T21:36:00.000-05:00

this ones for my kids... let me be me, lmao.

enjoy the link guys its cute. btw... THE ONION is the best!!! amazingly tasty nonesense hehe

The Beginning

2005-10-06T20:59:00.000-05:00

The poem that began my journey back into writing was inspired by a day trip with my family. My sister gave us tickets to an outing in Chicago. We spent all day there with her and some friends. I wrote this poem to thank her. Thank you DOE you mean so much to me!

Koolaid Stained Counters

We tickled Cookie
And Kissed Elmo
Chatted, Ate
and walked till we
grumbled

Barefoot climbing
Bouncing and Running
Dancing, Singing
Laughing and hugging

Car ride, milkshakes
and sleepy eyes

Friends, family
Love all around
We had a wonderful time
in a fabulous town!

My boss called me DUDE

2005-10-04T20:44:00.000-05:00

A beautiful morning, kids got ready on time, i found clean underwear, and my shoes were on the right feet. Off to work....

Can a spreadsheet drive you to homocide? If so, is it self defense?

I am not a data entry person, im just not. I can't sit still, i tend to mix numbers, and i HATE it, lol. So I have this freakin wonderful spreadsheet to work on. It has now been over a month long. I calculated today that it should take me approx. 11 more days to complete!! In addition, I offered to come in on a Saturday to do my regular job!!! (Please someone send me a lifetime supply of Captain Morgan or those great little Watermelon Bacardi thingys mmmm.)

But it seems like my boss is finally starting to understand how i work. (He is a little slow all... duh.) So I am hoping he will leave me alone sometime soon.

So ANYWAY... I need your help to stay sane!!!!

Share with me some crazy things spreadsheets might be used for. I know not all of us can understand the beauty of spreadsheets but maybe if we somehow relate it to alcohol or sex... i dunno just a thought. Common man, I feel my creative juices crusting over in the bottom of a sink.

Fallen

2005-10-01T18:21:00.000-05:00

Autumn nights
magical leaves
moonlit walks
dancing trees

Gentle lips
soft caress
ticklish whispers
on the neck